How Old is Too Old?

I have been asking myself this question for a number of years. Several Halloweens have come and gone since I last donned a costume with the intention of collecting a pillow case full of candy. This year however, I was given the opportunity to come out of trick-or-treating retirement. My friend and I made the brave venture to trick-or-treat with the eight and nine-year-old girls that I babysit. We spent less than twenty dollars decorating two t-shirts to each resemble half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. When we hug, the sandwich becomes whole. It's a makeshift costume, perfect for a college student's budget.

For the first few houses we went to, my friend and I were rather timid, feeling very out of place. As the evening progressed, we realized we could be doing much worse. At least we were wearing costumes. The same could not be said for the pair of boys wearing plain hooded sweatshirts and carrying garbage bags over their shoulders. What was the deal with the boy wearing a red Teletubbie costume, riding his bike up the street while his two un-costumed friends trailed behind. Were they even trick-or-treating?

I felt bad for the woman who's dog ran out of the house as she hurriedly stuffed Fun Dips into our bags yelling, "Buster, I got turkey!!!" Her words combined with a hoarse, smokes a pack a day voice lent incredible irony to the situation as she stepped out of her oversized McMansion. We watched from the next house over as she drove down the road with the window down, screeching her dog's name.

Realizing the woman's reaction to her dog running away was as funny as it was sad made me question if I should be trick-or-treating. These feelings were brought up again when I had to stop myself from complimenting the woman who opened her door sporting an Ommegang Brewery t-shirt. The icing on the cake, however, was a clever neon sign in a window that read "Bates Motel." And I got the reference. Maybe the real hint should have been when I got home, with a few more pounds of candy than when I started, and all I could think was, "Who's gonna eat this?"

The other part of the sandwich (jelly) wore her half home

The best decoration of the night

Aftermath of Sandy

Students traversing the sidewalks along Euclid Avenue, BEWARE. Treacherous leaf sludge threatens to throw off even the surest of foot. This slimy layer of disintegrating leaf litter has caked itself onto the asphalt and cement, where it sits until an unsuspecting passerby unknowingly steps into the trap. In an instant, a helpless pedestrian can find themselves performing an impromptu split while attempting to cross the street.

The leaf sludge pervades this street corner

Slippery stuff

Trader Joke's

I think I've found a new career path. Well, I'm still a college kid so I haven't had any career opportunities yet. But I'm about to! Any of you folks who shop at Trader Joe's have probably noticed that many of their products display labels with witty comments and quips. When I shop there, I often find myself browsing the product labels more than the products themselves. I've always been partial to that sneaky brand of humor.

What I can't help from thinking is that it is actually someone's job to make those labels and constantly come up with funny ways to say how their product is delicious and you should buy it. What do you think the creative writers for the Trader Joe's labels do all day? I just picture them locked in an office room, MadMen style, spewing out possible funny label ideas, only reserving a small percentage of their  brainstorms as fit for printing.

The cows don't just say no...

These aren't just any old frozen burritos. They were handmade
by Mexican burrito experts and shipped many miles to a store near you
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Googly Eyes Gardener

My family and I have been longtime fans of Saturday Night Live, and we have shared countless comedic references to SNL skits over the years. This particular video has been popping up in my thoughts a lot recently, so I'd like to share it. I hope it makes you giggle.

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Cactus Costume

Even my cactus wanted to get dressed up for Halloween this year.

She decided to be a jalapeno.

Let's Breed a Giant

There are plenty of us science fiction and fantasy nerds out there who wonder every now and then: what would the world be like if giants roamed the Earth? You know what I say? Let's put our crazy modern day medical technology to the test and try to breed ourselves a giant.

I think the process should be fairly straightforward. We already know how to breed animals for specific traits, all we need to do is apply this technology to humans. The scientists in charge would most likely select breeding individuals that carry the gene for gigantism. This breeding process will probably be a slow one, taking many generations to properly monitor the growth of the human subjects. I think a good starting height for our gigantic friend would be somewhere around one-hundred feet tall. That's just a couple dozen feet taller than the christmas tree at Rockefeller Center every holiday season. We can always make a taller giant if the current giant isn't cool enough or can't reach enough also tall things without a ladder.

So I guess another important thing to consider is where this giant will sleep. Anyone interested in offering their house? The giant will probably have a pretty hefty appetite as well, so a place where whole pigs and cows are plentiful is a bonus.

Tricky Halloween Gnomes

Sometimes roommates leave nicely carved pumpkins sitting on the back porch. On occasion, the tricky Halloween gnomes will stop over for a visit and lend their artistic expertise to embellish the decorative squash.

The gnomes were hard at work this Halloween season