My college's newspaper includes a column entitled "Ask-a-Nut."I was leafing through an issue of The Knothole from December when I came across this piece that had me laughing out loud:
Dear Nut,
I have an issue and I can't figure out how to fix it. Whenever I am at parties and end up in a conversation with a mutual acquaintance, I freeze up and can't figure out what to say or how to act. I then normally end up making up outrageous lies about some other place I need to be and inevitably can't figure out where to go after leaving the conversation.
-Socially Inept Person at Parties
Dear SIPP,
Have you tried consuming massive amounts of alcoholic beverages? This seems to work for the majority of socially inept college students, who must let everyone know how many inhibitions they threw out the window the previous weekend with exploits of intoxicated, absolutely useless behavior. Personally though, I think you are close to the fix. I would stick with the lies, just make them less outrageous, and instead make them build you up in some way. For instance, you could tell people how you once met Bill Clinton at an international Hemp Legalization Rally in Oregon and he was kind of a dick, or something along these lines. If you are bad on your feet, write some lies up while you pretend to pay attention in class.
-Nut
Evidently, encouraging kids to lie to their peers and get ridiculously drunk makes for a hilarious newspaper article.
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