A Closet Viper Can Be Many Things

I have been asking myself what a closet viper is since the term first entered my mind. It happened on a Thursday morning as I was selecting an outfit to wear to school. I peered into the mirror, dawning blue cordurory pants and a black thermal shirt. It was a rather frumpy ensemble. I thougt silently to myself, "I look like a closet viper." Having never heard the term before, I was perplexed at why my mind had insulted my choice of clothing this way. Curious to know what my friends and family thought a closet viper could be, I sent out a text message asking, "If a closet viper were a thing, what would it be?" Here are the responses:

"Hmm I'm thinking of some sort of snake animal that's very dangerous and only likes small dark areas. Or it could be a super villain."

"A gay car or a gay snake or a deadly reptile found in closet"

"A flexible clothes rack that hangs up your clothes from the drier so you don't have to"

"A venomous neck tie"

"A snake that waits in your closet that bites you as soon as you open the door. It would have similar coloration to argile socks"

"A viciously aggressive snake overcompensating for the fact that it hasn't come to terms yet with its true sexuality. Obviously."

"It's something that attacks you when you open your closet. Kills you"

"A snake that attacks as you enter a closet!?!"

"A snake that lives in a closet

"A thick, hairy snake with sharp teeth, also lacks venom. Only attacks if it feels threatened. Prefers messy closets. Original habitat: Idaho"


"A cross between a closet gay, a vixen, and a viper. Like, nobody knows but they're actually a foxy snake"

"A vicious snake, like a cobra that lives in a closet, or some other dark place"

"A snake that hides in closets"


"Something scary that can't survive outside the confines of a closet perhaps"

"Uhhhh either a snake in a closet orrrr someone who would rob you blind through bad investments.... or is this a riddle?"

I'm never ashamed to ask strange favors of my friends, but they are usually more than happy to help. The most amusing aspect of this little experiment is that all but one of the contacts that responded replied with a colorful answer without first questioning why I sent such a strange text. It appears that my friends enjoy sending strange texts as much as I do.