Cuddly as a Cactus

I have this terrible habit of not fully paying attention to lyrics when I am listening to music. I often just get more caught up in the beat and the rhythm of the music. My family and I were listening to the holiday music station on the drive back to school on Sunday. "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" came on, and this time I payed close attention to the lyrics. I never quite realized how silly and obscure some of the lines are, but it's really quite amusing.

This song is full of insults that could have been contrived by a group of young children before they learned how to properly incorporate swear words into their discourse. That is except for the insults that utilize words like appalling and deplorable. These bigger, more sophisticated words seem to make the slanderous lyrics of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" cut even deeper. I wonder what sort of cunning insults Mr. Grinch himself would be able to produce. He probably has gotten a lot of practice over the years.

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch

You really are a heel.

You're as cuddly as a cactus,

And as charming as an eel,

Mr. Grinch!

You're a bad banana,

With a greasy black peel!

You're a monster, Mr. Grinch!

Your heart's an empty hole.

Your brain is ful of spiders.

You've got garlic in your soul,

Mr. Grinch!

I wouldn't touch you

With a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole!

You're a vile one, Mr. Grinch!

You have termites in your smile.

You have all the tender sweetness

Of a seasick crocodile,

Mr. Grinch!

Given the chocse between the two of you,

I'd take the seasick crocodile!

You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch!

You're a nasty, wasty skunk!

Your heart is full of unwashed socks.

Your soul is full of gunk,

Mr. Grinch!

The three words that best describe you

Are as follows, and I quote,

"Stink, stank, stunk!"

You're a rotter, Mr. Grinch!

You're the king of sinful sots!

Your heart's a dead tomato,

Splotched with moldy, purple spots,

Mr. Grinch!

Your soul is an appalling dump-heap,

Overflowing with the most disgraceful

assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,

Mangled-up in tangled-up knots!

You nauseate me, Mr. Grinch!

With a nauseous super naus!

You're a crooked jerky jockey,

And you drive a crooked horse,

Mr. Grinch!

You're a three-decker sauerkraut

and toadstool sandwich,

With arsenic sauce!

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